I’m now at the age where funerals or memorials are more of an occurrence. I may get invited to a friend’s 2nd wedding here and there but the wedding blitz is over. More funerals are coming.
I recently went to a memorial of a friend that died in June 2020, he was 49. Family and friends had to wait over a year just to honor him properly due to the pandemic.
This was a memorial that worked and scrubbed on your own heart – in a beautiful, delightful, and profound way.
My take-away as I drove home was King Solomon’s echoes; “Better to go to a house of mourning than a house of feasting as it makes the heart purer.” Ecclesiastes continues in my ear: “Sorrow is better than laughter, for by a sad countenance the heart is made better.”
Let me explain. Weddings are fun. There’s often great cheer, abundance of food and more often than not, lots of imbibing. It’s hard to be ‘unhappy’ or in a dower mood at some of these grand events. However, there’s the rub. It is the start of something, not the end. It’s full of hope and perceived love, a love not yet tested. Today some weddings seem more fantasy than reality.
But if you want to truly reflect on life, another’s life and even your own, let a funeral sink in. Let it sit, brew, refine your own life and path. That will turn the key for you.
My friend had the most spirit-filled, deepest memorial I’ve ever experienced. The stories, the heartfelt exchanges amongst friends, his fellow USC film school buddies made a film of his life and it was astounding, it could have received an award for the soundtracks and editing alone.
These stories and hidden nuances of his life revealed his character like invisible ink on a letter. You won’t get that at a wedding. A wedding is all out there for show, on display for all to glorify and fawn over. You can read it right away, nothing emerges quite yet. The funeral is the litmus test of your life.
This friend was a talented writer and industry professional for over 25 years. He was also a husband and father. He wasn’t famous but he was well-liked and truly known by his friends — more of a blessing. He worked harder than the credit he received. But his character and life’s details were so much more.
He was one of the most interesting persons I’ve ever met. How many men do you know that truly love God, Star Wars, yet can discuss and debate Ben-Hur, Lawrence of Arabia details, quote Henry V (also one of his favorite films) and much Shakespeare all while being jazzed about Stevie Wonder and serving the homeless?
Answer: Not many.
For over 20 years he volunteered at the feeding homeless program at his church. I actually met him there 25 years ago when I was volunteering. But I sure didn’t last 20 years there every single Sunday.
He did. He never tired of the often ungrateful and difficult individuals that often showed up. He never thought, “I need more of ‘my Sunday’.” He also had health problems he never complained about. The consensus at the funeral was that our friend always had time for you, enjoyed long conversations about so many things but especially film. He was kind, selfless, so funny, humble, loyal. Some say ‘saints still walk around Earth’ and I believe he was one of them. I’ve only met 2 others in my lifetime.
The funeral is where the ‘rubber meets the road’. But it’s the end of your road. Like Stevie Wonder’s Songs in the Key of Life, it holds the key. I encourage us all to jiggle it now, turn it, see how it fits, see what’s going on in your own heart…before your own memorial litmus test.
RIP KCB
C. Nor
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