Dear Friends,
I haven’t posted in awhile and not for any particular reason or negative event. On the contrary. November was a time of activity, accomplishments, and celebration.
November was personally a month of wins: I finished my screenplay (with my partners) and that’s a big win, as I’ve had a myriad of distractions in its completion. I also started a new side business and I’m actually doing it — that’s a miracle in today’s economy.
My son’s TV episode dropped on Hulu filmed pre-pandemic. He’s a good young actor that’s worked hard for it too. He’s thriving at school and enjoying his life with many friends. November was a good month.
But not for everyone.
I would be amiss if I didn’t address the current events. My mind and heart go to Michigan. In fact, it’s been on my mind since November 30th. How can I continue to post all the positives in life while four families are suffering this holiday without their teen children? They are making burial arrangements not Christmas gift lists. It makes my heart sick and weak with grief for them. We don’t have to know people to grieve with them from afar. These have been my thoughts of late.
Everyday an article about mental health is posted or published. Even our Surgeon General Murthy has come forward about teen mental health and pandemic repercussions. He predicts a huge crisis. I think it’s already here.
If I ruminate on these events for too long, I get sad then really mad. The Michigan families this holiday are forever ripped in half due to mental illness and an irresponsible Black Friday purchase. I have disdain for Black Friday anyway, now even more.
For years I’ve vocalized and advocated this, and now it’s in the forefront of the news. So many parents underestimate the mental health issues of their teens. These parents in particular either knew and ignored the signs, or were anemic in their own mental health.
How do parents not know what’s going on in their teens’ lives? How do you live with your children day in and day out and overlook any signs of depression, anxiety, dark thoughts (written or verbal). How do you not know your child’s search history and internet activity? (you pay for it!) Why did the school see this before the parents?
What is it about our home life that we are so disconnected from each other under the same roof. And yet, just like others I’ve known, when confronted with a red flag and warning about their child’s mental health, they choose to ignore it. We’ve learned the school requested the child be sent home – they ignored it. The administration then requested counseling within 48 hours – parents dragged their feet instead of swift action, as well. Denial and neglect at every single turn.
And because of that, families are torn, their hearts ripped out by grief.
Denial is ultimately selfish. Why? Because the ego of parents can’t see their child has ‘problems’. They want to be perfect to the world and appear to have it all together. But the reality is, none of us do. We all need help, support and counsel at certain seasons in our lives. We all fail, fall down, get back up, fall again. But the difference is, the ‘wise seek counsel’. The book of Proverbs is right. There is a safety net in seeking help outside yourself. There is strength in the Village principle. There is wisdom in listening to the community and professionals around you — not trying to do everything in your own strength.
Neglect and denial of parents is rampant —
Now I’m going to be blunt and crass: Shitty parenting equals shitty consequences.
This is more about mental health than gun control (although that troubles me greatly too). This Michigan teen had written: “it’s all useless”. I’ve knowns kids like that. In fact, I knew a teen that said ‘everything is meaningless’. So then, nothing matters? Wow. A young mind that reeks of nihilism, nothingness and Nietzsche’s famous ‘God is dead’ world view. How and why are these teens today expressing this in exponential degrees?
There is no hope, no solid foundation, no soulful parenting today in my mind. We, as a collective, and as busy parents are far too ‘busy’ today. We, as a society, are now seeing the fruits. 23 school shootings since August 2, 2021 should prove my point.
More than my thoughts, beliefs and opinions is this universal mindset that pervades our youth and culture. Why are teens so full of darkness and lacking in hope? This didn’t happen overnight. It’s been brewing.
This is the fault of the HOME. Period. Parents need to step up and take responsibility.
This Michigan school may have dropped the ball by sending the teen back to class. However, if he had been sent home, he’d be back the next day. Some may blame the school for not having metal detectors, but not all schools want those as it contributes to stress and a feeling of unease for adolescents. It’s a school not an airport, right? Well, maybe not anymore. The ultimate blame is the parents and their parenting — complete negligence regarding their son’s mental health.
If we have true empathy this holiday season, we’ll enjoy and love those around us, but we will also look outward and deal with truth. We’ll look into our society and see the cracks and holes in our youths’ psyche.
When I’ve been annoyed in traffic and dealing with crowds this season, I hold in my mind, those parents. Those parents who are without their children this year. It’s heartbreaking. The only hope is this heartbreak continues to influence the mental health movement.
Our homes need to be the first line of defense.
“If more of us valued food and cheer and song above hoarded gold, it would be a merrier world.” – J.R.R. Tolkien
Fashion Stories & Dirty Laundry 