I know it’s been awhile. I’ve been doing ‘nothin’ and everything since May and June and my son’s pending graduation. I don’t know about you, but when I’m emotionally overwhelmed, everything gets paralyzed. I mean not ‘everything’, I still fed my son and the cat, took out trash, made beds and brushed my teeth. But you know what I mean.
The last few car rides to school were bitter sweet. Scratch that. I hate that term and not because it’s over-used. It was sweet with sprinkles of sadness. Never bitter.
The last lunch I packed. The last drop-off. The last form signed. Last school assembly. So many ‘lasts’ these last 2 months. And it honestly just got overwhelming. So much so I couldn’t breathe or sleep or write. All I wanted to do was sit on my balcony like an old lady with a cup of coffee (or a glass of something else!) and just exhale, watch the birds, water my plants, watch the air if I could, and then shut my eyes as I exhaled and processed the last 18 years. The firsts were 17 years ago, and now I had experienced the ‘lasts’.
The other day at the store I went by the baby food aisle. Crazy I know. But I picked up a jar of baby food and just held it. I remembered the smell of those peaches or mixed fruit. (so good!) and I just sighed. I didn’t cry but sighed a sweet nostalgic memory. How was it 17 years ago I first bought these jars?
I loved every day, month, year of being a mom.
Before you think I’m an imbecile and stopped reading and writing, don’t worry, I did not. I have about 17 drafts here. I just retreated into my own head and heart space. I needed to. Many of you can relate.
We are all starved for silence and peace and stillness these days. It is only there we can process these ‘firsts and lasts’ in life and accept that life rolls on.
See you soon, but I need a 2nd cup of coffee.
-C. Nor.
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